Flere har nok mottatt denne på epost, og tenkt at - det er sikkert bare tull. Sorry, folkens, sånn er det altså når man jobber med fly...:
Etter hver flyvning fyller piloten ut en feilrapport, som overfor mekanikerne synliggjør hvilke problemer som har vært med maskinen under flyvningen, og som krever reparasjon eller rettelse. Blanketten er et stykke papir, som piloten fyller ut, og som mekanikerne deretter leser, og så retter opp problemet. De opplyser så skriftlig på blankettens nederste halvdel hvilke utbedringer de har foretatt, og piloten gjennomleser deretter rapporten før neste flyvning.
Her er noen virkelige registrerte klager over manglende vedlikehold og problemer, som Quantas Airlines piloter har levert inn, og hvilken løsning teknikerne har notert.
P = Problem (fra piloten)
S = Svar (fra teknikeren)
P: Innerste hjul på venstre side må nesten skiftes
S: Har nesten skiftet innerste hjul på venstre side
P: Test-flight OK, bortsett fra at den automatiske landingen var noe hard
S: Det er ikke installert automatisk landing på dette fly...
P: Et eller annet sitter løst i cockpit
S: Et eller annet har blitt strammet i cockpit
P: Autopiloten utløser et fall på 200 fot, når flyvehøyden skal fastholdes
S: Kan ikke gjenskape problemet på landjorden
P: Bevis på lekk i fremre høyre landingshjul
S: Bevis fjernet
P: Lyden i DME (avstandsmåle-ting) er utrolig høy
S: Lyden i DME installert til et mer troverdig nivå...
P: Motstandslåsen får gasshåndtakene til å sitte fast
S: Det er liksom dét, de er der for...
P: Radioen ute av drift
S: Radioen er alltid ute av drift, når den står på OFF
P: Har en mistanke om sprekk i frontruten
S: Har en mistanke om at du har rett
P: Mangler motor nr. 3
S: Motoren funnet på høyre vinge etter kort ettersøking...
P: Flyet oppfører seg rart
S: Flyet har fått beskjed om å ta seg sammen, fly ordentlig og være litt seriøst
P: Radaren brummer
S: Har omprogrammeret radaren til tale
P: Mus i cockpit
S: Katt installert
Noen ganger savner jeg å mekke fly ;)
8 kommentarer:
Den er absolutt morsom, men det er litt irriterende at den norske oversettelsen er så usannsynlig mye dårligere enn originalen, som er på utenlandsk - og anbefales naturligvis framfor den platte norske versjonen.
http://www.fwditon.com/view_fwd.php?id=17
Jepp, akkurat som en del vitser er best på originalspråket, så er det sånn med denne også. Men de fleste har latt seg oversette sånn noenlunde.
Hei igjen,
Mer flyhumor. Da det er best på orginalspråket og jeg ikke har til hensikt å oversette det så kommer den her på engelsk.
(Sorry NMM...)
These disturbingly funny conversations allegedly took place between air controllers and pilots around the world. They are included here firstly and simply because many are very funny; secondly because the collection provides examples of not so great communications.
***
Allegedly the German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They, it is alleged, not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them.
So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark … and I didn't land."
***
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
***
"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
***
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
***
Control tower to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this.... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
***
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
***
A military pilot called for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."
***
Allegedly, a Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
"Because you lost the bloody war."
***
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern...we've already notified our caterers."
***
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of
DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
***
Allegedly, while taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I now it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
US Air 2771: "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:
"Wasn't I married to you once?"
***
Ha en fortsatt fin dag!
Mvh
Christian
Haha, nydelig!
:)
Han ,Christian min svigersønn kan ikke la hvere med å mobbe meg , ikke en gang på andres blogg .
Mine engelsk kunnskaper er ikke så fantastiske som jagerfly kunnskapene til over nevnte .
Det er bare å beklage Hilde Sofie ,
håper ikke det skjer en gang til .
Kjære NMM!
Det var absolutt ikke ment som mobbing! Ble det oppfattet slik så har du min fulle og uforbeholdne beklagelse!
Så så, dere to :-)
Din fjott ,CHR det var en spøk vett du .
DENNE JENTA LAR SEG IKKE MOBBE .
Nå skal jeg legge meg og sove som et uskyldig barn !!!!
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